Monday 20 April 2020

my Free choice writing

Once there was an evil alien planet all and the aliens on it wanted to kill all the people on earth because there …evil? I guess (shut up i don't have to explain myself) so they got in there ufos and  went to earth meanwhile people saw them and called the T force and they are Kirsty Jack my dog Turbo and me Troy and they arrived to fight the aliens on a spaceship and then turbo the dog jumped out and started shooting most of them down with gatling guns then Kirsty grew to the size of a building and started smashing them against each other but the ufos were coming in fast there were now alien robots monsters and foot soldiers so Jack turned into a dragon and burned all the aliens to the ground but then the alien queen jumped out from the mothership and shot all three of them down. It was all up to Troy.  He got a gigantic sword and sliced and diced all her weird tentacle things off then jumped into a giant robot (I don't know how it got there) and fired all its weapons, lasers, fire, missiles, bullets and tacos? (I don't even know anymore) and blew her to smithereens then the robot rebuilt the city and then all the people ate tacos.the end.
By

5 comments:

  1. Unknown20 April 2020 at 10:51

    Hi Troy
    This is a great short story you've written. I particularly liked the way you used words like Mothership, foot soldiers, Gatling Gun and the phrase "blew her to smithereens"! I also like the way you incorporated your family as characters. I wondered if you were hungry when you wrote the story and that's why Tacos are mentioned a few times?
    Another thing I enjoyed was the parts you put in brackets (like the author is talking to us about how they are writing). This reminds me of Andy Griffiths writing : )

    Thanks for sharing Troy
    Miss J

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown20 April 2020 at 10:53

    Oops, I forgot to say maybe something you could do now is 1 or 2 illustrations to match your story.
    Miss J

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sue Gibson20 April 2020 at 11:03

    Hello troy,
    What a great narrative piece of writing. I liked the way you gave your characters special super powers. In the end it was "all up to Troy" though. That just sounds like you talking. We call that using your personal voice in your writing. When you write it helps the reader if you can use punctuation, especially fullstops at the end of ideas. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your work while I am in Lockdown!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Unknown20 April 2020 at 11:14

    Hi Troy

    Cool story dude! I liked all the action language you have used. I can tell that you were full of ideas that you had to get down quickly because of the pace of your writing, I was almost out of breath reading it! I agree with Ms Gibson some more punctuation would help me catch my breath while reading your story. I look forward to the next episode of the T force!

    Karen

    ReplyDelete
  5. Miss B (Principal)3 May 2020 at 22:03

    Dear Troy, It is wonderful to see that you have a wealth of superb blog posts in reply to your narrative. I am looking to see which suggestion you will use in your next piece of writing. Cheers

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for you positive, helpful comment on my work.

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)